The following transcript is
of a Specialty Chat hosted on ParenthoodPlace.com chat area. They are brought to
our visitors as a convenience for those that missed the
chat.
Please understand the live nature of chats, and their
value as entertainment and a forum for the exchange of information. No warranties are expressed or implied of
any information exchanged in these areas. The advice given by anyone from
members, hosts, staff, and guests on this site should never be used in place of
a medical professional. If you, your family member, or a child is in need of
medical advice, please do NOT substitute any information on ParenthoodPlace.com ™ for prompt medical attention from your local
medical professional.
Tuesday, October 8th at 7 p.m. (Eastern), Note portions of the text have been edited for
spelling and grammatical errors, while other text with errors was left in tact
in the context of the
chat.
Rebecca: Welcome to ParenthoodPlace !!!.
Rebecca: We will begin
soon, Welcome!
Moderator: ( If you have a question...please put a ? in
the chat screen and I will add you to the list (get ahead of the game)
)
Moderator: We will be starting shortly.
Moderator: (Get any questions
ready to post and I will be glad to put you on the list.)
Rebecca:
Hello and Welcome to our talk Autism Specialty Chat. If you have a question for
our Host Guest Speaker, Mia Cahill, JD, Ph.D.-- "Legal Advice with a Focus on
Mediation", just type a "?" into the room. The names will be taken in order
received. When you are cued, please hold your questions until ready to post.
Thanks!
Mia Cahill JD Ph.D.: I'd like to talk a bit tonight about mediation,
and how it might be useful to some families in resolving disputes.
Although divorce mediation is more common than other types of mediation, just
about any legal dispute can use the mediation process.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.:
In mediation, a neutral third party, "the mediator" gets the parties in the same
room and tries to help them come to a resolution. Sometimes mediators are
attorneys, and sometimes they are other professionals such as
psychologists. The mediator is not supposed to give legal advice, and does
not make a ruling in the dispute. Instead, it is the mediator's job to
encourage the parties to resolve the dispute. While often, financial issues are
what take up most of the time, many mediators will also look beyond these issues
for other problems underlying the dispute that are preventing its resolution
such as hurt feelings or concern for the future.
Rebecca: Shall we wait just
a few more minutes to begin for the folks whose clocks are five minutes
off?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: No problem!
Moderator: Mia...I think we can
start now
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Ready
Ron: Hi Dr. Cahill. Thanks for
joining us.
Moderator: For those that entered want to do your introduction
again?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: I'd like to talk a bit tonight about mediation,
and how it might be useful to some families in resolving disputes.
Although divorce mediation is more common than other types of mediation, just
about any legal dispute can use the mediation process.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.:
In mediation, a neutral third party, "the mediator" gets the parties in the same
room and tries to help them come to a resolution. Sometimes mediators are
attorneys, and sometimes they are other professionals such as
psychologists. The mediator is not supposed to give legal advice, and does
not make a ruling in the dispute. Instead, it is the mediator's job to
encourage the parties to resolve the dispute. While often, financial issues are
what take up most of the time, many mediators will also look beyond these issues
for other problems underlying the dispute that are preventing its resolution
such as hurt feelings or concern for the future.
Moderator: Krr you have a
question for Mia
Krr: What special arrangements should be made when setting
up child support for a child with autism (beyond age 18)?
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Each individual family (and child!) is different, but generally, you want
to think through the needs the child will have in the future, and base your
predictions on as much FACT as possible. The more hard data the
families have at the time child support is set up, the better they can work to
provide for the child's needs.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Also, in general, child
support is inherently modifiable. This means that if the situation
changes, either party can go back to court and ask for more or a different
proportion of support. There are other ways to adjust support over time as
well.
Krr: Thank you, this whole process is very confusing to
me.
Moderator: Wawa you have a question?
Wawa: I've been in mediation as a
party (it failed) and as an expert for one side (it worked). What would
you say the success rate is for mediation? Here in NJ it is mandatory for
special ed. cases and my casual observation is it almost never works for certain
institutional reasons. Which I would elaborate on if anyone cares.
Mia
Cahill JD PH.D.: Was this with a school?
Wawa: Where it failed,
yes.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: The data on mediation is pretty difficult to
discern. Much of what is published on mediation has methodological
difficulties especially with selection bias (that is where they over sample
based on people who choose mediation). Thus, it's hard to give exact
numbers of success.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: However, there are a few factors
that make mediation more likely to succeed. One major factor is whether or
not it is voluntary.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Another is whether all of the
parties who really are part of the dispute are at the "table" so to
speak.
Wawa: Yes, yes. A friend spent 4 hours in special ed. mediation
before the district disclosed no one at the table had the authority to settle
the case. And a
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Also, some disputes are just not
ready for mediation. Sometimes, the dispute is not "ripe" to use a legal
term. This can be especially true if all of the parties do not have the
information they need to make sound decisions.
Wawa: And everyone except him
got paid for that time.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: One would hope that the mediator
would address these issues prior to the mediation session, in a telephonic
conference with all of the parties.
Wawa: Yes, one would hope.
Thanks!!
Moderator: Ron you have a question?
Ron: For parents with
autistic children going thru divorce, what is different in the mediation process
to that of a family without such a child? More expensive? Harder to
settle? And what does mediation typically save one from going to
court? Time and money...? (had this one loaded for a little
bit...
Mommyo: Most families only have one income, because of the challenging
care these children require. How do most people manage to get divorced
with no money? A lot of my friend are just sticking it out because they
feel they have no choices, but they remain unhappy.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.:
Families with an autistic child have extra stresses and pressures that are just
plain tough on a marriage. As you mention, financial issues are
important.
Mommyo: Sorry my computer got stuck and I accidentally sent
the ?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: One thing mediation can *sometimes* offer if the
parties are both willing to go through the mediation process is a way to talk
out the issues of divorce, which are often intertwined with financial issues and
issues of care-giving.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: It can save time and money but
sometimes it can be an extra step before going to court.
Ron: I think
cheap guys like me would definitely agree to go if we knew it saved time and
stress, and it would be fair
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: While divorce mediation can
be right for many disputes, whether it is right for you depends on the process
of the mediation, your desire to come to an agreement, and the fairness of the
process for you. If you are ordered to mediation, or if you are
considering seeking a mediator to resolve a divorce dispute, you should consider
the following issues:
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Is the timing of the mediation
right? Do I have enough financial information to make an informed decision
about settlement? Do I have enough medical information to predict my own
and my child's financial needs?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Have I had good legal
advice? Do I know how judges in my area tend to rule in divorces like
mine?
Ron: Does a mediator decide if it's right for the family, before
proceeding?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: How will I do in the same room with my
spouse? Will I feel like I can stand up for myself? Will I be too
emotional to think clearly?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: sorry- for the extra
words! I think that really the parties need to decide if they are
ready.
Rebecca: agrees whole-heartedly.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Some
mediators might decide, but I would not rely on a mediator to do
this.
Ron: Can they say yes, we're ready… but the mediator ---
gotcha
Ron: Can you put a price difference on this?
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: I don't understand your question.
Ron: Mediation vs. full divorce in
the courts. Is there a price difference typically?
Ron: Time
difference as well?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: One can't even say what a full
divorce in the courts would cost versus the next full divorce. It really
depends on the level of contention between the parties, the complexity of the
situation, and other factors. In an "agreeable" divorce (as much as one can be
cooperative through such a dispute) both court and mediation can move
quickly.
Ron: Sorry for dragging this question out... but I think about
the cost to the family if the family cannot go thru mediation to settle their
divorce dispute.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: One thing that a mediator can assist
with is helping the parties draw up a settlement agreement that resolves the
main issues of the divorce, and then it can go through the courts as no-fault or
another quick and non-contentious way.
Ron: Thanks Mia!
Mia Cahill
JD PH.D.: Either way, divorce is tough on the whole family.
Moderator:
Mommyo, asked the question...that most people are tight for money to begin with,
instead of staying in a relationship, unhappy, how can they do something about
it? (or at least almost that synopsis)
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Well, one
really needs to think things through- not just what is right for your child, but
what is right for you, and what kind of life you want to have.
Mommyo:
How do judges in New Jersey tend to rule like for divorce in an autistic
family
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Sorry Mommyo- not sure if I answered your
question.
Moderator: Mia I am not sure she saw it.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.:
Regarding judges- there's no clear cut answer on that. Do you mean in respect to
custody, support or something else.
CameRonsmommy: ( I was taken to mediation
by my son's father and we couldn't agree upon visitation. He since hasn't
taken any action to see his son. It's been four months. Am I out of line
to request an involuntary termination of paternal rights? )
CameRonsmommy:
sorry...
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: You'd need to talk to your lawyer on that, but
in general, it is hard to involuntarily terminate parental rights.
Mia Cahill
JD PH.D.: It would really depend on the state law, and the
circumstances.
Krr: I would be interested in an answer to Mommyo's question
with regards to typical custody set ups with a child with
autism.
Rebecca: Mommyo, Have you seen any of Mia's responses to
you?
Mommyo: no
Mommyo: I am having difficulty reading any of
the chat
Rebecca: Please repeat the general Question
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: There is no one way to set up custody arrangements- really it depends on
the autistic child, the type of care he or she has, the other demands on the
parents and other factors.- to Krr's issue
Mommyo: How can families get
divorced when they have no money and only one income to the
family?
Ron: Good question!
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: My main suggestion
would be to think in the future and think about changes, and try to get creative
with ways to solve problems, to the extent it is possible.
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Back to Mommyo's question… It's hard when there is not enough money
to go around, and usually, there is not enough money to go around. I have a few
suggestions:
If the parties can come to agreements among themselves, they
should do it, but they should consult lawyers to make sure they understand the
law enough to make an informed decision.
The more the parties can do
themselves, the less it will cost.
Mommyo: Do most women get the short
end of the stick?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: When the parties generally want to
work together, but have conflict over certain things (like visitation) mediation
can be good.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: There has been much discussion among
academics about women and divorce.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: In general… women
make less than men (women still make only about 72% of what men make. Also, for
every child a woman working outside of the home has, she makes approximately 7%
less in income. Whoops, that was 72% wage gap.
Mommyo: How do the
judges rule with women w/ autistic children in NJ
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.:
So, if the parties are splitting everything evenly, and then going out to work,
women in general will make less than men. This should be considered when
distributing property and alimony
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: There's no one way to
say how a judge will rule. Do you mean in custody or in support or in
alimony?
Mommyo: In everything.
Moderator: ( Mommyo do both
parents want the divorce? )
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Also, the motherhood penalty
is seven percent for every child (I'm having trouble with my percent sign on the
keyboard. to next question.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: On alimony, one of the
factors to consider in New Jersey are the medical needs of the child and
care-giving responsibilities.
Rebecca: ( Its not your keyboard, The percent
sign is filtered out of the room )
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: On child support, it
is relevant what the child needs, and for autistic children, that will likely be
relevant. However, every case is different, and there are differences among
counties, and even among judges. Divorce courts are courts of equity, and
thus have some latitude in trying to do what they see is fair, within the
law.
Mommyo: I have a lot of friends who are very unhappy in their
marriages but they don't work and feel trapped in their situation because of the
huge responsibility of an autistic child.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: It's a huge
pressure on a marriage, and on moms who tend to be the primary
caregiver.
Mommyo: Any suggestions?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: One option
before heading for divorce is couples therapy, or individual therapy.
Sometimes that can help.
Moderator: ( no fault divorce an option in NJ?
)
Mommyo: Thanks, I'll pass along the manuscript
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Also, I think that every woman should work ten hours a week for
money. This is not based on empirical data, but my mother gave me this
advice and I think it makes sense for a lot of different reasons.
Mia Cahill
JD PH.D.: No fault divorce- in New Jersey, if the parties are separated (living
apart) for 18 months, they can file for no-fault.
Rebecca: If I'm
understanding this correctly? A Mediator is like an attorney, for both sides? Or
more like someone to help settle disputes and perhaps prevent full
divorce.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Sometimes mediators are attorneys and sometimes
they are other professionals such as psychologists.
Rebecca: Ahhhh… ok,
makes sense.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Their goal is to help the parties resolve
the dispute. Usually that is to come to an agreement on the divorce, but
it could be other things too.
Rebecca: So they can sometimes counsel
& prevent divorces?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Mediators vary quite a bit in
terms of their training, professional background and style.
Rebecca: I
see, Thanks!
Krr: Any experience with or suggestions for setting up
custody/visitation when there is domestic violence?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: I
don't think that is usually what mediators do- that is more likely something
that a couple's therapist would do. Domestic violence- is the state already
involved?
Krr: Yes, but not in the divorce agreement.
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Usually, the state has mechanisms to address domestic violence in terms
of restraining orders, supervised visitations, curbside pick-up, etc.
Krr:
How long does supervised visitation usually last before more visitation is
allowed (if no further issues occur)
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: If there is a
restraining order already in place by a court, that will have to be followed or
changed with the court. Different states have different procedures for these
things.
Krr: TRO was dropped and a consent order was done. It set up
supervised visits. He wants joint custody.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Yes, then in
general, a consent order is essentially an agreement by the parties with the
approval of the court.
Krr: He was convicted for DV. Can he get joint
custody?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Krr- that's something that you'll need to
discuss with your attorney and with your child's caseworkers. Often the
caseworker will have ideas that might work for you.
Krr: What
caseworker?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Usually when there are children involved in
an abuse situation, or sometimes even in custody situations, the state will
intervene and assign a state employee to assist in supervising visits and/or
making things work more smoothly.
Krr: It was spousal abuse.
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: There are no hard and fast rules about custody. You should certainly make
sure your attorney knows about the abuse when assisting you in the custody
dispute.
Krr: Thanks
Mommyo: Krr, Is he unfit to be alone with your
child?
Rebecca: agrees whole-heartedly.
Krr: How can a child with autism
tell you what happens?
Rebecca: They cant.
Rebecca: agrees with Mia
Cahill JD PH.D. whole-heartedly.
Ron: Re. employment law, is there
general rights a parent of a special need child has to protect their
employment?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Yes, I'm OK to go about ten more
minutes.
Ron: Did that make sense?
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Yes, it made
sense, but that's a tricky one. In general, most employees in the US are "at
will" employees. This means that you can quit any time and you can get fired any
time. There are some exceptions to this. One is if you have a contract
with the employer- such as a union contract or other employment contract.
Another is employers are not allowed to discriminate against their employees
based on certain characteristics such as race, sex and disability.
Ron:
That's the area where I'm grasping towards...
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Beyond
that, the family medical leave act allows parents to take time off to care for a
member of their immediate family. However, that's unpaid leave, unless the
company provides more benefits. And, there are time limitations on
it.
Mommyo: How much time?
Ron: If families with Autistic
child has higher medical insurance, can company not discriminate??? (might
not be your area of expertise)
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Assuming you meet the
basic requirements of the law (in terms of working there a certain period of
time, etc.) it is three months. I don't know the answer to insurance, but I
suggest you contact the department of insurance.
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: Are you
in NJ?
Ron: yes...
Moderator: ( wow why is NJ having such a
hard time )
Mia Cahill JD PH.D.: They have very strict regulations on
discrimination in insurance and that would be a good starting place. You
can find them on the NJ state website.
Ron: Thanks!
Moderator: Mia
thank you for joining us tonight, I hope we can do this again.
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: This has been really great. Best of luck to
everyone!
Mommyo: Thank you for your expert advice
Rebecca:
Thank you Mia for your time!! It was a pleasure having you.
Ron: Thanks so
much, it's been great!
Ron: And thanks to our moderator!
Rebecca: ( Thanks
Moderator! ) applauds fervently.
Moderator: bows slightly
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Thanks also to Rebecca and moderator!
Moderator: Mia
I don't have an autistic child but found it very interesting
Mia Cahill JD
PH.D.: Glad to help.
Please feel free to join in the discussions on the talkAutism
Discussion Boards at any time!
http://www.parenthoodplace.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi
For
past talkAutism Specialty Chat transcripts: http://parenthoodchat.com/transcripts.html
